Praising and self-esteem
Praising a child 50 times a day: is this a wise thing to do?
A parenting handbook states: ‘Praise is to the growth of a child’s self-esteem what water and fertilizer are to a plant.’ Many adults believe that children need praise in order to feel good about themselves. But when children are praised 50 times each day, they may not come to
feel better about themselves at all. To the contrary: our research shows that children may even come to feel worse about themselves if the praise is directed at them as a person (e.g. ‘You’re so smart!’). If you tell children that they are smart when they succeed, they might infer they are stupid when they fail. That’s why we would recommend to praise children for their behaviour, not for their personal qualities. Praise such as ‘You did a great job!’ is therefore preferred over ‘You’re so smart!’ If praise is directed at children’s behaviour, their self-esteem may indeed grow like plants grow from water and fertilizer.
Eddie Brummelman