Children as guides in the conversation about loneliness

How can you tackle loneliness in the classroom? And how do children themselves like to talk about this? Researchers at Utrecht University, in collaboration with the Royal Dutch Children’s Stamps Foundation, set out to find answers. Marlies Maes is enthusiastic about the discussions with children in Years 6, 7 and 8: “Children are very good at explaining what they think is important when loneliness in the classroom is discussed.”

Discussing the topic in class

The researchers spoke to children and teachers. Based on the interviews, the researchers have made several recommendations: “The topic should be discussed in general terms, without naming or singling out a specific pupil or a specific situation. Creative teaching methods can help to keep the subject light-hearted. And some pupils have indicated that it can be helpful to discuss loneliness first in smaller groups and then as a whole class. The research findings have been published in the report ‘Breaking through loneliness together in the classroom’ (Dutch).

Individual conversations with pupils

What children don’t want in a conversation is to be stigmatised. So don’t say to a child: ‘You’re lonely.’ The children also mention that they don’t want advice they’ve already tried, for anyone to be blamed, or for the teacher to pressure them into sharing their feelings of loneliness with the group.

One piece of advice that has stuck with Maes is that it’s best not to say to children, ‘I’ll keep an eye on it’. “‘Keeping an eye on it’ isn’t bad in itself, but saying it this way makes children feel as though you’re trying to brush it off quickly, and as though they aren’t being taken seriously.” An instructive insight for Maes: “I might say something like that myself.” But what should you say instead? Maes explains that there isn’t a single, simple alternative phrase. “It’s mainly about seeing and listening to children. For example, discuss with children what they need and how you can help, and ask if they’d be happy for you to come back to it in a while.”

Recognising loneliness

So how do you recognise loneliness in the classroom? According to the pupils, a lonely child might look sad and sit in a corner somewhere, but it’s also possible that children might start behaving differently. For example, a Year 6 pupil said: “Some children really go out of their way to attract attention. For example, walking past you all the time, or throwing stones just to make sure people look at them. I think they do this because they’re lonely; they’re actually looking for contact.” However, teachers and pupils alike agree that loneliness often remains invisible.

And that is precisely why it is important to make this topic something people can talk about. Not just for now, but also for the future, as Marlies Maes points out: “If children learn now that you can talk about loneliness, it will be easier for them to talk about it later on too. When you talk about loneliness, you’re talking about how we treat one another, how we can look after one another, and how different children carry different levels of ‘baggage’ with them.”

Transdisciplinary collaboration

Maes is enthusiastic about both the content of the research and the transdisciplinary collaboration: “Everyone in the team really had their own unique role, and if just one of them had been missing, the research would not have been nearly as successful. For example, I was able to work alongside my colleague, Jaco Smit, who knows an incredible amount about qualitative research. In addition, the collaboration with Kinderpostzegels, the Join Us Foundation and the De Kindertelefoon Foundation provided many practical insights. And then there were the fantastic student assistants, Michelle Jonker, Mark van der Groef and Santusha Filipa, who helped us with the interviews, refining the interview guide and analysing the data.”

Using the findings from this research, materials have been developed to help children and teachers in the upper years discuss loneliness. “Through group games and a discussion guide, classes learn about the issue, recognise the signs and are given tools to discuss the topic safely and openly. A pilot project led by the Young Academy of Life is currently underway in a number of schools to test the materials. We hope to put them into practice this autumn.”