Bitter divorces have limited influence on quality of children’s lives

Despite the negative consequences that high-conflict divorces have on the lives of the children involved, they rate the quality of their own lives as fairly positive. That is the result of a study by the VU Amsterdam (VU), Utrecht University (UU) and the Academische Werkplaats Kindermishandeling (Academic Child Abuse Workshop - AWK). Children suffer considerably from daily confrontations resulting from a divorce, such as changing homes, dealing with different sets of rules and not always having their own belongings at hand. The serious conflicts between parents do result in trauma symptoms in the children, however. Almost 50 percent of the children participating in the study displayed an increased risk of post-traumatic stress complaints related to the divorce.

Despite the divorce, children can still build a world in which they can be themselves, exercise control over what happens to them, and be proud of what they have achieved. “That is encouraging, and it seems important for parents, teachers and professionals to encourage this group of children to develop in the areas that they are good at”, says Catrin Finkenauer, currently Professor of Youth Studies at Utrecht University and the project leader for the study by the AWK as a professor at the VU Amsterdam. “But it is also important for parents and teachers to pay attention to the concerns children have about the destructive communication between their parents. This communication can cause stress for the children,” according to Finkenauer.

Teacher is important partner in dialogue

The study shows that children primarily talk about their concerns regarding the divorce with their parent (60 percent) or their best friend (61 percent). They are slightly less likely to share their concerns with their father (40 percent). One remarkable finding was the role played by educators; around 40 percent of the children had shared their concerns with a teacher. The children generally say that they have a good relationship with their parents. Finkenauer: “Children have a good relationship with each individual parent, but the tension and stress seem to occur when the parents are together

'No Kids in the middle'

Vader en zoon op een bankje.

The research also included a study of the effectiveness of the No Kids in the Middle intervention programme, which focuses specifically on the children’s welfare. The researchers followed 83 fathers, 82 mothers and 142 children aged 6 to 18 who participated in this intervention. The results of the study suggest that conflicts can be reduced if the parents attend the intervention together. Compared with reports before the intervention, the parents were of the opinion that their conflicts were less severe and more constructive after completing the programme. However, the negative thoughts and feelings about the ex-spouse had not changed. The parents also reported that after the No Kids in the Middle programme, they were more likely to accept and forgive one another than they were before participating in the programme. Other factors, such as putting legal proceedings on hold during the intervention, may also have had an influence on the changes among the parents.

Dynamics of Youth

The study by Catrin Finkenauer falls under the research theme Dynamics of Youth, one of Utrecht University’s four strategic research themes. Dynamics of Youth brings together excellent research on children and young people from all seven faculties, in order to find answers to a crucial question for the coming generations: how can we help our children develop to become balanced individuals, who can successfully make their way in a rapidly changing environment?

More information about the report

The research report was presented at an afternoon symposium organised by the LOCK (National Child Abuse Education Centre) at the VU Amsterdam on 23 March. For more information about the study, please contact Dr. Kim Schoemaker at 06 - 44 98 43 55.

Listen to an interview with Catrin Finkenauer on BNR Nieuwsradio (in Dutch)