"I still try to follow my heart"

Soete Meertens is a student of Medicine and has a neuromuscular condition, which is why she is in a wheelchair. Because of her handicap, she has to overcome other hurdles than her fellow students. Now that her student financial assistance is expiring, she receives financial support from the ROSANNA Fund. 

To Soete Meertens, the love for healthcare already began early. Because of her condition, she often went to the hospital as a child. “It can be traumatic to children to be in hospitals often at a young age. Not always fun for me either, but I was mostly impressed. I thought it was such an interesting world. That's where the seed was planted.” But still, Meertens did not go for Medicine right away: “I entered the selection for admission to the degree programme after secondary school, but I wasn't admitted. Back then I thought: ‘maybe this is better that way.’ I really doubted whether I could actually handle it. My grandfather, who has worked as a paediatrician, didn't advise against it, but did underline how tough it would be. Eventually, I chose biology. That was a safe choice.”

Follow the heart after all

But Meertens started to doubt when the end of her Bachelor's programme came near: “All the options I had after my Bachelor's programme didn't feel right. A friend of mine did research into the accessibility of the university and studied Medicine himself. With him, I could have good conversations about my doubts. He emphasised it wouldn't become a normal route, but one with many bumps. At the same time, he gave me confidence that these bumps wouldn't be insurmountable. That persuaded me to follow my heart after all and reapply for Medicine. I told myself I would enter the selection for admission for laughs, but I already found out quickly how much I actually wanted it. Even when I was told I was admitted, I postponed accepting my spot until the very last moment. That's how much I still doubted my own abilities.” 

For learning practical actions, such as setting up an intravenous line or performing a resuscitation, I sometimes request additional practice moments myself. I just need more time to become skilful at these things.

That selection was successful, and Meertens is currently in the fifth year of the degree programme: “Some small adjustments have been made and I still have to work hard in order to complete all the mandatory modules. I study for my Master's degree part time to keep it attainable. Because of this, though, my degree programme is now six months over schedule. For learning practical actions, such as setting up an intravenous line or performing a resuscitation, I sometimes request additional practice moments myself. I just need more time to become skilful at these things.” 

Small inconveniences and harsh limitations

Meertens currently works as an intern: “A hospital is of course very accessible in general; it's designed for patients in beds. But in employees' spaces, I still get stuck regularly. There can be a printer behind a door, for instance, which requires me to make a sharp turn which is actually not possible. I then get stuck multiple times in one day. I try to laugh about it, but I actually think it's very frustrating. Colleagues often only register the inconvenience when they have to hold a door open for me. Besides this, I can't make phone calls when I’m on the move like my colleagues; my hands are then on the wheelchair. I can actually appreciate these moments of silence; it's a small moment of mindfulness in my busy days at the hospital.”

Besides small inconveniences, Meertens sometimes runs into harsh limitations. “During my internship at the gynaecology ward, it became clear to me that there are things I really can't do. For a Caesarean section, for instance, you need a lot of strength to pull the abdominal wall aside. I simply don't have that kind of strength. Back when I realised that, after I had attended a surgery, I sobbed in the operating theatre. The physician assistant responded with much understanding, it was a moment of mourning to me. I give it a spot by having a big bawl about it and by discussing it with loved ones. I would've loved to become a gynaecologist, but that's simply not gonna happen.”

The wheelchair has a disarming effect

“I've also seriously considered dropping out sometimes. But what still settles it for me, is the fun I get out of this field of study. I like everything. I get energy from my internship, nothing is too crazy for me. Furthermore, I can't assess yet whether many specialisms are attainable for me or not: I'll have to find out when I get to work there. I can worry about it endlessly, but I also know there's no point in seeing obstacles on the road already. It might be naive, but I still try to follow my heart most of all.”

At the same time, Meertens sees that her wheelchair also has a disarming effect: "Patients of course immediately see that I've ‘got something’ too when I enter the room. It makes me more human. Furthermore, many doctors stand while meeting with patients; they seem to be in a hurry. I'm already sitting, which makes it easier for me to connect. It says: ‘I'm making time for you’. I really see it as a strength.” She often receives comments from patients, doctors or fellow interns: “Sometimes out of discomfort, sometimes out of sincere admiration. It's pleasant when there's appreciation for how hard I work on the one hand, but also wonderful when I'm just ‘the next intern in line’ on the other hand.”

I'm already sitting, which makes it easier for me to connect. It says: ‘I'm making time for you’. I really see it as a strength.

“I'm not seeing myself do anything else than being a doctor in the future. I've learned I can handle the suffering and grief of patients and their loved ones very well. As a caregiver, you have a role in someone's most vulnerable moments. I get much energy from being able to say or do exactly the right thing at that moment. I didn't expect I'd be that good at comforting someone with just a few words.”

With the help from the Rosanna Fund, Meertens is one step closer to completing her degree programme: “Because my degree programme takes longer, my student financial assistance will expire soon. I still have eighteen months to go. The moment I heard I was getting a scholarship from the Rosanna Fund, a giant burden fell off my shoulders. Thanks to this contribution, I can pay the tuition fees for my final year. It might not buy me certainty for the future, but it does buy me time and breathing space.”